Something right

I used to sleep in. I used to worry only about myself. I used to stay up late. I used to lose my wallet. I used to leave my car parked wherever. I used to bury my head at work. I used to be sad about the things I didn’t say. I used to have less compassion. I used to drown my feelings. I used to have less responsibility, yet I thought I had a lot. I used to think it was easy. it was ok. it was good. it would pass. it would change. I used to be lonely. I used to cry myself to sleep. I used to be lost. I used to be going nowhere fast. I never was. I’m not a father. I’m not a husband. I never had my blue-eyed blonde hair daughter. I never found true love. my life isn’t what I wanted it to be. I’m still lost. I’m a failure. I’m lonely. I’m sorry. I’m sad. I’m nothing to no one. I’m invisible. I’m unloved. I’m a drunk. I’m a liar. I’m a fraud. I’m used. we’ve all felt it at one point or another. we’ve all had these thoughts. I’m blessed that these thoughts aren’t my reality. I am a father it is what defines me. as well as a husband. i love my wife more than anything in this world. Nothing is more important to me. I had my blue-eyed blonde daughter and son, for that matter. I will never be alone. nobody is alone. I’m smart. I’m talented. I have value. people depend on me. it’s both the heaviest weight I’ve ever had to carry and the easiest all at once because it’s so rewarding. my kids love me for me. I’m a simple man. all I ever wanted is all I have. never much cared for riches or fame. I just want to live a long, happy life with my family. I want to sit on my porch for the rest of my life. with my kids. I want to go slowly into the unknown with my wife. I want people to say at my funeral that I was a father and a husband above all else. Nothing else would mean more to me than to try and be the best dad I can be. I know I fail and will fail at this. sometimes I yell a little too much. sometimes, I lose control. it’s not an easy job raising tiny humans that are trying to kill themselves or each other whenever you turn your back. Thank God that kids are resilient. thank goodness I don’t have to raise them alone. thank you wife, for the good, the bad, and the ugly. thank you for your patience because I know sometimes I can be a big baby. I know you sacrifice your own wants sometimes. I know sometimes you don’t even think of yourself. I know that comes with being a mom. moms are selfless when it comes to their kids. know you’re my best friend ,partner, and teammate. I know we get put on the back burner when it comes to time. our time is not ours. it’s the housework. it’s the kids. it’s work. know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t regret anything. I don’t believe in anything more than what we are and what we do. I believe in meant tos and fors. I believe in moments we never get back and never lose. I believe in us. I’m passionate about our kids. our lives. I don’t care about the noise. it’s just sound. our kids are real. our love is real. let’s be passionate about them. take time. even though we’ve changed. I’m still here with you. We’ve done 2 little big somethings right. As always if you’ve stumbled upon my blog. I hope it helps you. I hope you find something or someone. even if that someone is just yourself. find yourself. it doesn’t matter who you used to be. it matters who you want to be. all fall short. all can be redeemed. all can learn. all can grow. all will be found. all is not lost. Adapt and live.