Belong

Belong-to feel comfortable where you are and with the people around you.

Belong. I’ve been trying my whole life to belong somewhere, anywhere. I found glimpses of belonging in sports,church,jim,marrage. I’m largely a loner which is fine. Walker was a loner so I’m in good company. I feel like I belong with my lady most of the time. Other times i have the overwhelming feeling that i get in many situations that i somehow cheated my way into this group or that group. In high school I didn’t belong to anyone group. I’m not a prep, not a jock, not a nerd, not a stoner. I get along with all these groups. Dont get me wrong I love who I was and am. It would just be nice to know that I belong. High school was great. I was voted most unique and I usually love that fact but 5percent of the time I get a little sad about it. I embraced my weirdness and I think that’s why I dont have a lot of good friends. I have a few but could always use more. I fell into a great job where most days I wonder how I belong there. I got a great girl to like me a little and then she stopped liking me so that didn’t help my feel like I belonged. Now I’m at the fire department and i dont know shit. I just go through this life feeling like I’m look through a window at all the normal people. I’m me and I will never be anyone else. So I will power through I’ll do like I always do and become the best at what I do. I only have 1 speed i only give 100 percent. I’ll never belong 100 percent to anything and that’s ok it would be nice but it’s ok. All I can do is my best. I’ve had a good life I’m healthy I’m steadfast in my beliefs. I just dont see how I deserve anything good. I haven’t done anything good yet in this life. I haven’t been the perfect son,husband, friend. I know I’m not alone in my feelings of belonging and my heart hurts for those that are worse off than me. If that’s you know you’re not alone. You can message me if you’d like. Never give up though. I’m proud to say I’ve never thought of suicide. If that’s you I promise you it won’t help anyone if you go down that path.  I do know you belong alive. I belong alive I got more people to help. Somedays you forget about all you’ve been given. Even now as I write this blog I can feel myself getting better. Sometimes you just need to write shit down. I’ve largely been very optimistic about life since high school. I had some rough patches. I do know I belong alive. I know I belong at the fire department. I know I belong with a woman that loves me. I belong a little. I’ll always be a little bit of an outsider even from myself. 100 percent give your all. Sometimes we make the wrong decisions. It’s never to late to belong. It’s never to late to make others feel like they belong. Nothing wrong with being somewhere inbetween.

As always I thank you for reading for making me feel a little like I belong. I love you. Lifes a struggle and it’s also great. Adapt or die