Beautiful mistake

Today was a sad day. Most days are OK, some are sad, and a few are great. Just when I thought I was done shedding tiers for my lost life. It pulls me back in. I lost the love of my life and 2 best friends in 1 day. one of those I could care less about I haven’t even thought about him. all the anger and sadness comes back like a river. I didn’t think this was gonna be my life. At least I can say I’ve experienced heart break now. so the next time it breaks maybe it’ll be a little easier. My marriage was a beautiful mistake and I’d do it all again. Some have all the luck others have none. I’ll be OK I’ll push through. I have to keep telling myself that. Tonight I’m going out with coworkers for a temporary band-aid. that’s all it really is temporary. It should be fun and different. I used to be married guy so I wasn’t ever invited to these outings. I liked being married guy. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s weird how my priorities have shifted I sold all my movies and games and bought a watch old me would’ve never done that. I pay for haircuts now. I write my feelings down. I talk to people everywhere. I enjoy getting new cloths. It’s all new. I don’t want any reminders of my beautiful mistake. I’m physically and mentally a different person. I loved who I was and I’m getting used to who I am. I just don’t want to be sad lonely guy at the bar alone. At the movies alone. I need people in my life. Married guy only needed the love of his life and now I have to hope I was wrong when I said there’s only one of those or that I was wrong about thinking she was it. I know how I felt and at my core I believe I was in love. Now I’ll never know. I’m just confused,stuck and scared.