To start this evenings writing. I’d like to ask myself a question. Who is this guy in my body? I truly don’t recognize myself anymore. Not necessarily a bad thing. If we don’t grow we die. Let’s start at the end of the night. I thought it was a good idea to draw a bath light a candle and read a book on love. What! A book so good I might add that I can’t put it down if you haven’t read 5 love languages what are you waiting for. After reading this it made so much sense. It also made me feel like Shit for not listening to my x. I feel really bad for what she went through. Should she have done what she did no but it takes 2 to tango. Am I hurt that noone told me what was happening for 2 years behind my back. Anyways this isn’t about her. It’s about me. I started seeing someone. I really like her. She’s beautiful, She’s funny(milk steak) I think she cares for me but I don’t love her and I kinda don’t know if I can ever love another person. I was hurt so bad.
I’m kicking ass at work. They are throwing money at me. I’m on track for 130k this year. That’s not me bragging. I worked my ass of to get to where I am and I still work my ass off. I just try to work smart not hard. What’s the point of all that money if I have no-one to share it with.
I invested in a start up company that I believe in and other stocks.
Seen avengers yesterday. go now if you can loved it.
Selling the house is super frustrating the buyers did an inspection and they had a whole list of things they wanted me to fix. dumb stuff mostly.So I said f off in nicer words of course. I was starting to think about just staying and making my house the coolest house ever. That was a few days ago. Just found out today that they scheduled the appraisal so looks like they still want it. I spent the day fixing some important things and doing some landscaping.
I love working with my hands and I never need to call anyone. I will miss the yard work. It always gave me some peace.
I played racquetball for the first time ever today. I did some homework. In a few weeks I will have my degree and not a minute under a decade. I’m training people at work which is an honor. Not that long ago I was the student. It’s really amazing how far I’ve come in 10 years. From not doing anything for a year to Walmart for 4 days to 9 years at a company where I’m the lead tech in my department top grade. Training others and I’m only 28. I can and have accomplished anything I set my mind to. If only I could figure out having 2 beautiful kids and a wife that loves me as much as I love her. Sorry if this post is to long or all over the place but this blog has always been a release for me. Since I have or had I should say a hard time opening up to people. I’m proud of myself for the fact that I’m still alive. A lesser man would’ve been in jail for cousin murder or dead from alcohol poisoning. Sadness still creeps it’s ugly head up on me and I still get the out of body experience every now and then. Like this is my life. The 5 love languages says we all long to be loved I feel that. I long for true love. What’s the point you ask. life’s short. There’s nothing special about me. I love hard and true and now I understand a little more about what love is. so watch out if you find yourself in love with me and I love you I ain’t ever letting go. To those that I love now mom, dad, sister, brothers, nieces, nephew, x mom and dad, some cousins, aunts, uncles, Alex, Jeff, and my work family. I may have not of always said it, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do believe that. If you are reading my madness. I fucking love you and wish that your love tank remain full.