Exhausted

Exhausted-drained of one’s physical or mental resources; very tired. Used up.

Used up now that’s an understatement. Have you ever been so tired that you’re not tired anymore. You’re just a shell of a human walking  around. Even if you could manage to get some sleep. You still feel used up. These past 6 months have been hell on earth for me. I’m all used up mentally and physically.  I need a months vacation. As I write this I should be at closing but selling a house is the worst. The buyers are super picky. They wanted me to fix some stupid things after the inspection and I said fuck off. They said they still wanted it and now a day before closing they complain about wanting me to do more shit. I’m done take it or leave it. The house is in the same if not better condition than when I bought it and I was easy going.

So last night after 12 hours worked and 2 hours at the gym, I had to get the last of the things out of the house and clean a little. I moved a 300pound dress to the curb by myself and packed the car. I still have to many things and I let go of a lot. Wherever I land I don’t want or need much. I enjoyed the big house with the big dog, all the toys that go with a big house. The beautiful wife, the 80 inch TV, the riding mower and the hot tub but it’s all gone and that’s ok. Now I have a beautiful girlfriend that I love more than I ever loved my wife and you know how much I loved my wife at the very least I appreciate my new girl more. A new 6.2 inch phone with unlimited data, I have nothing to mow and I got a sweet new car. No longer do I need to take care of a giant house. I amassed all these things and lost the only thing that ever meant anything. I’m sad it had to happen that way but I’m sure part of me is happy to be out of that funk. I have a new outlook on life. I have new priorities. I woke up recently and felt this calling to help people, to do something more with my life. It’s funny because I just reached the height of my career. I’m done with school I could just sit back and collect  the checks, but I want to save lives, I want to put fires out. I don’t want to make this billion dollar company that I work for money any more. I find no meaning  in it anymore. Don’t get me wrong I love working with my hands, always have always will. But I’m done putting soap in bottles and boxes. I know fighting fires is going to be tough and I’ll need support from whomever decides to put up with my bs and all my loved ones. It’s been a long road and the road just got longer. Who knows I may hate it and quit. I feel like I’ll love it though. Lifes short grab someone and tell them you love them.(watson) Take those groceries  to the car for the old lady. Do something  you believe in. Find meaning. Get rest. Take a breath. Now if only I could  take that advice. I’m doing to much. I’ve thought  many times in the past 6 months to just drop everything and bail go to the army or Alaska. For the first time in a long time I’m happy again. So gone are the thoughts of disappearing. I’m here to stay and play. I’m here to win. And if I fail again I’ll get back up. I know this to be true. The human spirit  can take a beating. Lifes weird,lifes crazy, life happens for a reason. Make your reason a good one.

As always I love you if you read or if you don’t. Adapt or die. Thanks. Here’s a few pics from my day the first is a pump I rebuilt at work then a pic of the best tacos I’ve ever had to date.

 

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