From now on.

Hi this is me take it or leave it. I’m a tortured soul but aren’t we all. If you cut me do I not bleed like you bleed. Do I not cry like you cry. Laugh like you laugh. Well do I. I’ve done a lot,been a lot. I’m not done but I am tired. Tired of making mistakes. Tired of being behind, tired of losing, tired of being tired. I work hard when is my time. When does the good part get here. I’ve just accepted the fact that my car is here to wake me up. The fact that life is here to challenge me. I thought I knew what I wanted in this life for so long and I do know I want her and everything that comes with kids,love,life. That never changed. I have new goals to save lives and fight fires. It’s all a bit overwhelming though. 2 more years of school and training  while I work full time in a underappreciated job with a bunch of idiots, coworkers excluded but back to me. I try and be the best person I can when I see an ambulance I pray for those involved. When I take the lords name in vain I apologize. I love hard and true but have a hard time expressing that. I forget everything always. Always assume I forgot. I’m always early. I like getting dirty. I find always sunny hilarious. I think the west wing is the best political show ever wish politicians were like that. . I believe  all women have the right to choose. Politics will always be fucked up because the person who would make the best president is they type of person who would never run for office. I think the French figured out the best work life balance. I think we’re all one mistake away from total destruction. I used to believe in people and I know some are good but most aren’t. I have an overwhelming urge to follow my id. I love playing soccer or anything physical for that matter. I’m 6 foot 1 but most days I feel 1 foot 6. I’m afraid of everything and nothing all at once. I’m a little lost at the moment. I’m a lot damaged. I like to paintball. I enjoy the pain as if I deserve it. I’m real yet I feel fake. I was defined by a person and then I lost that definition. I have my mother’s positive attitude and my dads work ethic but it’s hard to maintain sometimes. I’ve got nothing figured out. I like Tom petty and Kesha. I like to show off because I came from nothing but truth is i am nothing. I would give my life for someone else. I would step in front of that bullet what does that mean. I dont know. I’m a twinkie in hoho box. Still good but doesn’t fit. I feel a lot like my dogs fur when the weather doesn’t know what it’s doing. He molts loses his undercoat when spring comes around but if the weather is 30 one day and fifty the next his fur doesn’t know what to do. And it takes him forever to lose It and he looks ridiculous for months. I’m molting.

Ok well shit I was having a bad day when I wrote that top half. That’s some serious ranting. Today I’m feeling much better. Today I’m much stronger. I’m the man my parents raised to be. Today I’m thankful for my beautiful life no matter how crazy my life gets. Yes I have no home, yes my job is a pain, yes my x tore me up. But today I have no responsibilities. Today my work needs me. Today my girlfriend loves me. No pain no gain and reading what I wrote the other day makes me think I’ve got a lot to gain. Tomorrow I take a mini vacation with my lady to new Orleans. It’s a long drive but I need it. She needs it. Today is all we have I left the top half of what I wrote because I  can’t forget yesterday and how I felt so that today I  can feel so much better so I can learn from my past and I can do better tomorrow. I’m a lot of things I have a lot of feelings. It is what it is. I appreciate every breath I have. I’ve been alone done that. 2 is better but the right 2 is amazing. Lifes weird people are weird sometimes we dont know what we have till it’s gone. I dont mind not fitting in. Who really fits In anyways. And twinkies are better. Just a simple life is all I need.

As always this is my journey I love you for reading or not reading. Adapt or die.

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