Blink

Blink- act of shutting and opening your eyes quickly.

A momentary gleam of light.

A simple act like a blink and your whole life can change in a flash. For better or worse. 1 second and you could have a completely different life or different perspective. Its funny the things that stop being important. In my life I’ve always rolled with the punches. Moved around a lot yet found a way to find good friends everywhere I went. We never had much money yet we were fed and still got things we wanted so what if we couldn’t get everything we wanted so what if we had to share rooms and live In cars. It gave me a respect for the little things. You know when poor people suddenly win the lottery more often then not they lose their lives. I’d like to think I wouldn’t. I worked hard for mine. Nothing was handed to me. I worked full time and went to school for years to have what I have. I’m not by any means rich but I am richer than my parents everwere. I guess I thought I had to get myself right. get myself stable in order to help people. I never even considered being a fireman. Not once now I can’t imagine not being one. I was trying to achieve something have a retirement be comfortable and now that doesn’t matter to me. Helping people matters and she matters. My boss cought wind that I’ve started the fire path and he looked like I shot his kids like a sad puppy. He was like does it pay. I was like does it matter. I’d do it for free. One day it will pay. It won’t ever pay what I make now in money and yet it will be a thousand times more rewarding. Haven’t felt like I’m outside my body watching my life in a while. I feel like I’m living my life. In the blink of an eye you life could change and I welcome the change. I’ve got the strong base to fight through any change that comes my way. I was raised to Presson. I lost my way. I lost myself. I was voted most unique in highschool. My identity was sports, church and crazy weird kid. The daredevil with little to no fear. But bit by bit I lost these things. Life became work sleep home work sleep home. I can’t tell you if it happened in a blink or a gradual change. Just one day it was my life. It felt like I blinked and it was what it was. I’m glad that’s not now. I’m so glad. I’m a physical guy I need a life /career that challenges me physically. What little firefighting I’ve done I know that’s what I have In store. The days are slow but the years are oh so fast. We need to talk less and listen more as a society we are all to wrapped up in our problems our opinions that we don’t even listen to others. We need to. Maybe your the neglecting parent or spouse or whatever. It’s easy to do you get complacent over comfortable you think everything is fine and then in a blink your kid cuts themselves or worse. Your spouse  leaves you and the only thing you’re left with are questions that can’t be answered.why me? Why my life? What did I do? What? You got complacent you got comfortable. No 2 situation are the same but similarities exist. There is hope though if you still have breath you can change you can love again just as in a blink it all disappeared it can all reappear. You can move on you can get through this. Your struggles aren’t over but struggles of the past have prepared you for the future. We all learned to crawl before we could run. Sometimes we have to go back to the basics. I live for today it’s all we have. Only 2 things in life that are sure are death and taxes.

Don’t let the end or beginning define you the past is the past the future is bright. Fear. The fear of what happens when I blink can stop you from moving on. I was full of fear and you know what everything that I feared actually came to be. I have less fear now. I blink and say bring it life. I won’t back away from the fight anymore. I’m heae to fight for what I love. I’m done not fighting. Before my life changing blink I thought I was a fighter I thought I made it through the hard times truthfully I didn’t even know what it meant to fight. I still dream I still have dreams even though I can’t remember them. I know shes in them. I know she is them. I’m right where I want to be. In the past my way of thinking was if we could just reach this point get school done get that new job new shift whatever it was. You can’t live that way you don’t  need to get to anything you need to stop and look at where you are. You see it all over people saying enjoy the ride of life. Shit I’ve said it. I say it because it’s TRUE. Enjoy the moment because you will blink and all you might be left with are memories of the good times. Maybe ma and pa are gone maybe shes gone maybe you’re alone. If you lived your life to the fullest they are with you always. I never knew my grandparents so I never got that experience that but I know they loved me I know they watch me now. Don’t ever be scared to blink. I’m going to leave my mark I’m going to blink. I’m going to grow old. I’m going to love and lose. I’m going to serve and protect. I’m going. Come with me love hard and true adaptordie. I’m afraid not to blink. When I blink I see that life with her that simple life with the kids and grand kids in that simple house. I see her beautiful wrinkled face kissing mine I see the great mother and grandmother she became. Then I blink again and see that 16 year old riot girl all dark,twisted,sarcastic and beautiful girl I fell in love with. I see all of her when I blink.

As always I love you if you read this or not. Life happens inbetween the blinks.

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