Well it happened. My first real situation. I cant give specifics. It was crazy, chaotic etc. The worst day for someone. We did our best as we always do. Now I’m left here the big question is am I ok. Everyone ask me how I’m doing and I get it. Mind you It’s not the first time I’ve experenced loss I’ve loss friends and family but it is the first time I was there at that moment they walk into the light. That can be traumatic for anyone. Somethings I’ve lost are still living.That’s the test can you remain sane in the hard time. I dont know how I’m supposed to feel about it. I dont think there is a supposed to. I feel ok. I believe in pressing on and moving on. I’m not afraid of death I know it isn’t the end. It’s crazy how we can just compartmentalize it kinda. I think we have to in order to do what we do. Now if it was someone I knew or a kid or baby etc it would probably be real hard. And those days will come. It’s like my battalion chief says we are just here to mitigate the problem. We cant prevent it and we didn’t cause it. We get the call once somethings happened. Once someone Is passed out, once something is already on fire. We mitigate loss,we help what we can. We can’t control everything and sometimes anything. Will I always remember my first one probably. That being said I did all I could. We never know what’s gonna happen when we put the uniform on for that matter when we wake up. we see people on their worst days we just try and make sure we do our best those days. Doctors take an oath to do no harm. We take an oath to place others above ourselves. It’s why we sign up. It’s why we do what we do. Somebody’s got to. Now I’m just a nobody still but I am on the journey to help others and one day I will do this every day. Hard times don’t discourage me. When I go on a call I think about my loved ones and how if they were the ones in trouble how I’d want the person sent to help them to act and I act that way I fight for those that can’t fight for themselves.
As always much love if you read or dont.