So I did it. I made six figures for the first time ever. So what. That’s not what matters. I dont really feel like I’ve accomplished anything by that. I learned plenty and it was a hell of a year. In a years time I got divorced,sold a house,got a new job, got back with my ex, and bought a house. Shit this year I’ve felt more emotions then ever before. I got out there had my empty fun. I don’t have all the answers only a few more then I had last year. And so many more questions. What’s next what does this year hold maybe a kid maybe a full time job as a fireman will I be good enough will I make a good dad a good fire man. Will i make anything will i be able to do it all cause i can hear the walls closing in and c3po isn’t answering. I’ve been here before a few times. I’ve felt overwhelmed many times this year. One thing I do know about 2019 is new toy story and new lion king movies are coming. Excited for that. I’m starting the year with a bash and hamalton early in the year so what could go wrong. Maybe I’ll have my identity stolen again. I’m a fan of change and sitcoms and the 90s. I’m a fan of enjoying my free time. I’ve done a lot still plenty to do maybe a jump out of a plane this year. Who knows. I ain’t afraid of no ghost. I want everything this world has to offer. I was so set on one thing when I got devorced I was distracted by the sadness to fully indulge myself in this bright world I put on a good face and had some fun. But this bright world was missing something for me. Something that was always there and I took for granted. As you’ve seen in my last post I made a rose box for my best friend and I put everything in that box my feelings poured onto the wood with Rose’s for my rose and inside notes that only we could understand I loved every minute of making that box and gifting that box I plan on building that girl a library in the spring/ summer and I cant wait. I know it will be tough but if it brings even half the amount of joy a simple box has brought it will be worth it. I’ve always been better at showing myself with my hands,with the work I do. Not always outspoken but give me something to build and you’ll see me. The box just started as a 8 by 8 piece of pine. And It turned into something beautiful. I’m just a 6′ by 1.5′ piece of flesh. That I hope to turn into someone better than before. All we can do is strive to do better. It only takes a choice. We’ll be ok.
Much love if you read this or not. Appreaciate more this year. Be happy with what you have. 2019 is the year of rebuilding.