Some people quite before they even start. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I’m here how anyone trusts me to do anything. When did I become responsible? when did I grow up? Why are these my problems? why do I have problems? I dont have answer I don’t know. Do you feel that way? do you find that you fell into your life like no matter what you do or did you’d wind up where you are. Not that that’s a bad thing. But I can’t help but shake the feeling that one day they will come and take it all away.they will realize that I have no idea what I am doing. Did I earn my way? do I belong to this life? Am I crazy? am I insecure? I think I’m a little of everything. We are all a little everything. We are all human.Funny thing with me is they did come and take it all. From my house to my silverware. The day came for me. You see I let the wolves come and take my shit. Some part of me even seen it coming and maybe I didn’t think I was worth what I had. Maybe I was just scared. Maybe I was and am just human.when I lost it all I took that time as a time to make myself worth what I had. I think it’s just in our nature to question the good in our lives. With so much bad. what have I really done to deserve the good. Everyday I try and make myself worthy of the good. To be kind to help others to work towards a better tomorrow not for me but for future me and future you. To keep the wolves at bay. We don’t all win the fight with ourselves. If you struggle with the fight please find help know that you are worth the fight you are worth the good in your life. I do this for you. Find a way write your thoughts down. You don’t have to word vomit like me you can keep your thoughts Locked away under your bed. Or scream them from a mountain. This blog saved me from depression still does from time to time. Keeping all those dark thoughts in you head can make for a mess. I dream more now . I’m human scars insecurities and all. We are both. Maybe you are really good at pretending maybe everyone you know is just oblivious to your pain. Let it out. An internal wound won’t heal on it’s own. Find your joy your good. I found mine and everyday is still a battle still a fight. It’s the only fight that’s worth a dam. Sometimes we need saving from ourselves. Release.
Update on my life I’ve managed to get everything I ever lost back. Well mostly. Everything that was worth getting back I should say.Trust me it took work and it will keep taking work. I’m in fire academy now. Training to be the best I possibly can as a fireman. I bought a beautiful historic home with my beautiful bestfriend and I’m happily divorced engaged. My parents are visiting for I have no idea how long. My mom is sick but we largely have no idea what or when something will happen with her.I’m working full time as an electrician and I train every Monday and Saturday for the fireservice. It’s cold as balls out here. Some days I still get discouraged but most days I thrive on it. I desperately need to add a second shower to my house. This Thursday I’m going to see kip Moore hes pretty good check him out if you like country. I’m human I dont have it all figured out I’d be lucky if I had half of it all figured out. I have more today then yesterday though. There is always a light in the dark I hope to update you soon. On more. Beleave me when I say you aren’t alone. There is a plan.
Love judah e wessman.