I’m feeling lost. I’m getting buried in to much shit. The weight of the world is on me again. I’m angry and stressed and I don’t get a minute to come up for air. I’m not the kind of person who is stressed I don’t deal well with stress because I think its stupid to be stressed so it makes me angry that I am. granted it’s all self inflicted. I’m doing to much again. balancing 2 jobs and fire academy. One job I despise. I have to worry about my parents. I should be worrying about weither my mom will live after surgery not what will I do with her if she does.I have to take care of them because it’s the right thing to do. the thing that makes me the maddest is that I have no time for the love of my life. the only thing that matters. What little time we have together I’m angry. I know it’s all attitude. I don’t have a good attitude I know that. I have literally no where to release my stress and everything I do just adds to the burden. me and the girl spent the night downtown last week and all we did was have 3 pizzas delivered to the room and watch home improvement shows and it was one of the best nights of my life. I’m easy I don’t need a lot. the only thing I should be worrying about right now is giving that baby a good place to grow up in. right now I just feel defeated. I look at the hill I must climb and the things I must do because I guess I’m the only one who can and I feel defeated. I know the lost boys don’t stay lost forever. I know the good guys win in the end I just can’t see the end. Maybe I’m spoiled maybe I’m a spoiled brat. I’ve got it better than many people. granted I should have to compare my life to others. stress,tension,anger and sadness effect everyone no matter how your life is. I’ve been through some shit and thIS is just more shit I have to get through. I can try and have a good attitude although I don’t want to hide the way I feel. I want to feel it. sometimes I wish I wasn’t the good guy I wish I didn’t have to do the right thing. how does the other half sleep. It’s who I am. its who I was raised to be. I took a day off this weekend just to do some tile work in my house. I took a day off from work to work. I realise how fucked that sounds. but it made my lady happy and that’s really my goal in life. I want to take it all back and just have you. I want to be in our own happy bubble. fuck the world and all their wants. Je veux ce que tu veux. Je suis désolé. je t’aime maintenant et plus tard. il n’y a nulle part je préfère être qu’avec toi.
ok I feel better now tanks for listening to my rant. as always love if you do or dont read.