Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing.

faith- complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

I’m not always right. I don’t know how it all ends. I’m not positive the good guy wins, but I believe he does. I believe in true love. I believe in fairy tales. I have to. I was raised that we walk by faith not by sight. I can’t look at this world and believe it’s all for nothing. that it all just ends. I’m afraid. I’m terrified of the world my little girl will grow up in. I have to have faith that she’ll be strong that there is good in the world. I know there is. In the fire academy we are training for search and rescure. Our number 1 mission in the fire service is life. so search and rescue is pretty important. we usually can’t see in all the smoke. it’s pure chaos on a fire ground many things are happening at once and that fire isn’t waiting for anyone. we are trained to search not by sight we train in the dark we train blindfolded. if you tell us there is a person in there you better believe that we will do everything in our power to find that person. I have faith when running in that building that we will. if I didn’t why bother then. I have faith that my fellow fire brother or sister is on my boot. I know we can’t and won’t save them all. I’ll never stop having that faith though.
I won’t let the fear be bigger than my faith. to quote an all time favorite movie of mine. “seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing”
I haven’t seen my baby yet but I believe she’ll be healthy and I know I’ll love her no matter what. I can’t see tomorrow but I believe it will be here and I’ll be here to fight on. i dont know what will happen. on the fire ground shit changes fast and we’ve lost brothers and sisters to tragic events. I believe in their sacrifice. I believe they made the world a better safer place to live. I believe kids should be taught to believe in the Easter bunny and Santa claus because it teaches a kid that miracles happen. that this world isn’t as cut and dry as you live and then you die. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again not a single person on this planet has all the pieces of the puzzle. if they tell you they do they are full of shit.
all the shit, all the pain you’ve been through. it matters. I’m telling you it’s all been for a reason. it matters and you matter if you believe it or not . have faith. I hope you know you matter and good things are around the corner for you. maybe this is your first time reading my blog or if you’ve been with me on this journey. shit you could’ve told me where I’d be a year ago and I would’ve laughed at you. my faith is still tested on a day to day basis. my wife and baby were in an accident a few weeks back and they could’ve been lost. it would’ve destroyed me. and I know people that have gone through the loss of their entire family and they have made it through the darkness. I’m happy that I didn’t have to overcome that. but I have at times thought I was broken beyond repair. nothing but damaged goods. and I’m here today to say that not by my own sight I’ve been mended. I’m religious but faith isn’t only for the religious. faith is for all of us. all you have to do is believe that things will get better. faith is alot like love it doesn’t discriminate. I have to have faith that I will come home to my little girl and beautiful wife every time I get on that fire truck. i have to have faith in the unknown. at the end of the day the reason we all get up and go is because family. now maybe some do it for glory maybe some have a complex. Most of us do it because we want your family to come home to you.
As always thanks for reading or not. Keep on keeping on.

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