for those that have been following me for the past year. here’s an up to date update. fyi i ramble a lot in this. like way more than usual
lifes awesome, crazy, busy, scary,stressful,hard,lovely. I know buzz words but it’s TRUE life is all this and so much more. life is mind blowing. just wait if you haven’t experienced at least one of these buzz words you will. today’s Friday. I took it off and I asked the wife to take off so we could relax. I don’t get many fridays lately I’ve been in a fire academy for the past 5 months and every Saturday ,Monday, Wednesday and some sundays. it’s been tough I’m spent mentally,physically and any other way you could imagine. My parents just hit the road after a 5 month visit.I just passed 10 years at my job. pretty soon I’m gonna be the old guy there. 10 years wow 2 houses, years of college, divorce, pregnancy and now possibly it’s time for me to move on to a completely different career. Am I fucking insane for wanting to run into a burning building? I mean let’s look at this form let’s say an aliens point of view. To them we willingly put our lives aside to save other lives. In fairness to they also see us pick up dog shit. risk a lot to save a lot. today we are on the lake enjoying some sun and some pina coladas. tomorrow I’ll be in a hazmat suit sweating my ass off.lifes so funny. I’m deeply in love with my wife and for that reason because I know how people feel about their loved ones I want to save people that need help I want your family to come hone to you. I know what that means. i miss my family. I miss my brothers my nieces my nephew. I wish it could’ve all worked out differently. I wish I could’ve had my cake and ate it to. I wish people were better. more trust worthy. no matter no mind I’ll be trust worthy till I die. I’m happy with my life i don’t regret it but that doesn’t meant that having my blood family closer wouldn’t be nice. I’m not an only child yet I feel that way some times. growing up I could’ve used my brothers advice. but i digress. today is all we have. I get to grow up I get to be that dad i always wanted to be i get to embarrass my kid. I get to be involved in her life. shes my update shes my life. the past doesn’t matter her future is my matter. I’m afraid I’ll fuck it all up. I’m afraid I won’t be what she needs. I hope that fear pushes me to be what she needs. what’s the next 80 years got in store for her. I won’t outlive her i may never see her marry i might never see my grand kids. I hope I do. been thinking a lot about that not that I’m going anywhere but I’m not getting any younger. in a month I take my fire fighter exam which could be the first of many. you know for a profession where you run into burning buildings its surprisingly hard to get a job. I have to take a polygraph, written and oral exam, physical called cpat. the cpat test starts with a stair stepper where you have a 75lb vest on and you can’t use the rail for 3 minutes and then you have 7 minutes to make it through a firefighter specific obstacle course sounds fun to me. I’ve been doing the stair steeper at the gym with 70lbs on my back in preparation. its something I want but if at some point it makes me anything less than the dad I want to be for gwen than I’ll have to give it up. her and her mom are my number ones. Ricky Bobby says there can’t be 2 number ones I beg to differ. I’m just floating on a lake rambling. I am glad you listened to it if you did. I get no money form this blog I never did this thing for financial gain. I do this to vent I do this to decompress I do this to hopefully reach someone that thinks they are alone in their feelings and remind them that even the people that look like they got all their shit together are just trying to figure it all out. I do it to add my piece of the puzzle. my experience might not be yours. for all I know you’re a dick. for all I know I’m a dick. I’m nobody I’m just trying to keep my sanity in an everyday increasing fucked up world. this is my couch time my therapy if you will. love today don’t worry about tomorrow. I’ll try. as always much love from the lake. risk a lot to save a lot.