The wheel.


Are the walls closing in? do you feel like this shit is way beyond you?its bananas. like everyone and everything is out to get you. like you can’t win no matter what you do. maybe shit at work just gets worse never  better. maybe you struggle with disease or with depression. maybe your whole entire world came crashing down. I think we all have been there. I know I was and honestly at the time I had no idea what to do. you know you look for that quick fix. just something that will stop the pain stop the bleeding if you will. I stand here today to tell you don’t  you fucking give up. Don’t. nothing is as bad as it seems and you will be all the better form it on the other side. I’m not perfect. I still struggle. I still have fears. fear is just one of the emotions we have to carry. I have fear. I’m afraid when i kiss my wife and go to work i may never see her again. I’m afraid I won’t be good enough for my baby. I’m afraid my parents will die alone in the woods. I’m afraid to lose I’m afraid to fail . its these fears and more that keep me in line. I face these fears head on. I challenge myself to overcome them. God and this world will never give you more than you can handle . it may look that way at times but I promise you. you can and will get to the good part. my wife and baby are my good part. I could give 2 shits about the rest. the job, the people that annoy me. not one thing could change the fact that they are the most important people in this world to me. they are my corner of the sky. gwendolyn is my miracle shes my mark on this earth. my light at the end of a never ending tunnel. If I go into work tomorrow and get fired it would suck ,but jobs are replaceable. family is precious and can never be replaced. find your good part. family makes this hamster wheel worth it. this circle of life. everyday looks the same until it doesn’t. I’m happy for today. I’m happy I can feel my babies head when I touch my wife’s belly although it completely freaks me out at the same time. you may feel like you’re spinning the wheel and going nowhere trust me you’re going somewhere. you’re learning ,you’re living, you’re loving. it’s not easy. I wish I could always take my own advice. i know it’s not always black and white. I think one of the reasons I’m usually relaxed and  stress free is that I try and live in the immediate now. I know when I’m trying to live for tomorrow I feel tomorrows problems. guess what we’re only human and most the time we can only handle todays problems sometimes not even that. I know we’re  all trying to be something and trying to get somewhere.  maybe it’s the birth of your child. maybe its retirement. those are great things and I’m not saying not to have goals. I’m saying don’t let goals ruin today. try it with me right now just be here,just  be present. You don’t have to run  around the wheel. what’s the hurry.
as Always thanks for listening to me rant.  quick update from me. I’m nearly done with fire academy. I’ve got a new boss at work jury’s out on him. my lovely wife is very ready for this pregnancy thing to be done shes in the 3rd trimester. I’m very ready to meet my lovely baby girl.  I met my nephew Christopher from my wife’s side he’s perfect. babies are born perfect. the process of getting them here is hard but they are worth it. my wife’s in traffic and I’m waiting to make dinner. remember be present. Adapt or die.
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