Sins of the father


I’m afraid to make the wrong move. I’m afraid that making no move is the wrong move. now when I say move I actually mean move. let me start with a brief history of my dad. he used to work for the city of oceanside for many years and one day him and some friends decided to open a bed and breakfast in the mountains. sounded great in theory but it didn’t work out and my dad never really found as good a job after that. now I’ve been with my company for 10 plus years and I’ve made plenty of money and I have good benefits. I’m delt a similar situation not exactly the same but similar.I don’t really care about what I do anymore and the state I live in is like a vampire. cold and blood sucking. one of the worst states for taxes. for example they have a used car tax so now if I sell the car I bought and already paid taxes on the state wants more and they are still broke and the roads suck and they are always under construction. I know I can’t retire here. question is do I leave my job? do i run from this blood sucking state for somewhere better. is there such a place and if so where. its gotta be right I have a little girl to think about and i want her to have a good life and a good education. I want to be there for her. at the end of the day i dont want to be like my parents i dont want to leave stability for a dream and never find it. its gotta be right. I’d love her to have a southern accent. I’d love her to have a head start in a place that’s beautiful and the cost of living is less. I want to wake up and look out at woods or a lake or fields. we only live once I don’t want to struggle and live ontop of people. dont get me wrong I love my house it’s got great character and its plenty big. me and the wife have made it our own and in the span of a year we’ve done a lot to it. question is if I had a kid when we were shopping for homes would we still picked this house. probably but maybe not. once you have a kid it’s a lot different than the idea of having a kid and you are so much more protective of them when they are real and not theoretical. I just want her to have every advantage she can and be safe. I want her to chase the dream not the money. now me and the wife I have no doubt could find a job anywhere. that being said i put my time in I did the grunt work I don’t want to start over. i dont want to work nights and have no vacation. I’m simple.an old house some land and a job that let’s me be in my daughters day to day life would be ideal.now is the time because I dont want my kid to remember moving. I don’t want to uproot her once shes planted. I won’t. not much keeping me here. I want to say goodbye to this state and start a new life with my family somewhere. I want to wash my hands of this place and the troubles its given me. I dont want to be afraid of mistakes my dad made because I am my own person. I just don’t know where is right. it’s got to be right. how can I uproot my life yet again. things happen that change people maybe once you have a kid your perspectives change and by maybe I mean they do. work doesn’t matter your dreams seem to fade she is you dream. she is your end game. for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a dad and now I am. I’m there goal achieved now my goal is raising her to be a strong, smart, independent woman which I know is far away and yet not nearly far enough. my baby is already 13 pounds shes not stopping. she needs her momma my wife wants to be with her every day which is great it’s just not possible in this situation. so I say these are the cards we’ve been delt. this is the path we’ve chosen.you can make a lot of money in Illinois you just cant keep it.I’ve always been known as the wildcard I say fuck the cards,fuck the path and fuck Illinois we make our own way. I’ve got my 2 girls that’s all I need. let’s make something happen…
As always thank you for reading or not. It’s gotta be right but Never let ghost of the past keep you from the future.
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