on the path

Never wanted to make a lot of money. never wanted to be something I’m not. never wanted to pretend for others. all I’ve ever wanted was to have a family I could feed and put a roof over. all I’ve ever wanted was to be a good husband and father. be a good person and friend. I want to pass on my skills to my kids. I want to pass slowly surrounded by my wife and kids hopefully much older. I don’t know what’s next. I do know I’m a father and a husband. I’ve had a son that I never even imagined having which I couldn’t imagine living without and the daughter I always wanted. life has a funny way of working out. as my many previous blogs have noted. I’ve loved my wife for many moons now. I’ll never be rich. yet I will have the big house. I’ll never be career driven yet I’ll always provide for my family. it feels cheesy to say I’ll be rich in love and family but it’s true. my daughter is 3 and she tells me all the time very matter of factly that she loves me. I piss the wife off all the time and yet she’ll always love me, and my son has no choice if he wants to eat but to love me. I’m kidding. I recently got into a car accident, and I can’t say my life flashed before my eyes. I knew I wasn’t done. I knew that God wouldn’t do that to my kids. I knew I had more to show and give. it didn’t sober me. I’m already on the sober path. I’m not going to change my life I’m already living the life I want. I remain steadfast in my only goals be a good dad and husband. think about that most people that have a near death experience say man I need to change my life I need to live better I need to hug my kids more. I take solace in the fact that I just want to keep it up. not that you can’t improve your life nobody is perfect. I just want to keep doing what I’m doing more and more. and honestly, I don’t know if I could love my kids more. my daughter of 3 sometimes says it’s too much love. don’t they grow up fucking fast. she’s so smart and my son who’s 4 months old is already doing flips. Hes strong like bull. I want them to have everything I didn’t. if you can’t buy the chocolate factory make it i say. The biggest thing for me is just being there for them. The unknown is what’s so amazing. the potential is endless. I’m sure there was a time my in-laws thought they’d never have a grandchild let alone 2. I knew I would just glad I got to do it with my true love. my muse. when its right its right. I’m still so early in my kid’s life but it’s been lightning fast. I remember my daughter just yesterday dancing to YouTube videos and just making noises. now she’s in dance class and she knows more words than me. My son will be right on her heels. anyway, it’s late my friends I know it’s been a while. since we’ve talked. I’ve had some technical difficulties and been busy raising 2 kids of course. It’s scary, crazy and wonderful raising kids. As always, much love from Indiana adapt and live.

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